official diagnosis

Those who have been following my medical issues the past year, I got my official diagnosis after some hospital testing this morning. Long story short for those who don't know, I had been seeing a ENT specialist for issue with my esophagus since February of this year. After several tests and getting nowhere, I landed myself in the hospital in June while visiting home. It took the emergency room doctor less than 5 minutes to give me an unofficial diagnosis. However, it would not be accept by my PCM here at Fort Bliss until I had the testing done to prove it. After 3 attempts at the referral, I had my appointment with Radiology this morning. Finally, a solid diagnosis. It's absolutely GERD.

This test was disgusting. I got all changed into that fancy x-ray gown. The first part was to take a shot of this powder that was pretty much the equivalent of Alka Seltzer, then chase it with a shot of water trying to not let it fizz in my mouth. Then the tricky part, even though there was extreme gas build up (which they needed for the x-rays) I could not burp. That was hard lol. After that, I had to chug this disgustingly thick 'shake'. They told me it was bubblegum flavored. LIES! I almost threw up and he told me if I did, I had to start over. No way. Not happening. So I was giving myself a 'I will not throw up' pep talk the whole time. And then the wall I'm standing against goes backwards. They did the tilt test, made me lay on both sides and my back. Drink another (less thick) 'shake'. And then it happened. Burning sensation. What was weird is that not only was I feeling it (obviously) but I got to SEE it happen on the screen that was taking pictures of my stomach and esophagus. I've also got several lovely ulcers hanging out in there. That was that. He said it was really bad and why hadn't I been diagnoses sooner. I told him to ask the multiple doctors I'd seen here, because I had told them from the beginning that from my Google searches I thought it was GERD.

Next step: Follow up appointment. Called the appointment line all to find out that my PCM has transferred to the SFMC on main post, and I have to be seen at the SFCC on Biggs. Which is totally cool by me, since I didn't much like her anyway. At first she was awesome, but then she turned ridiculous. So the guy made me an appointment with a random doctor for this Friday so that I can get my prescription refilled. Now I need to figure out what happens from here doctor wise. It's going to suck to have to explain this all over again for a new doctor. Hopefully this one will be more professional. I'm also going to request that I get referred to a dietician so I can learn the proper diet for GERD patients. 

Love, Me.

wal*mart inspired post

Hello blogging world! So, today I went on my bi-weekly grocery shopping trip. We chose Wal*Mart this time since I needed to pick up a few random things like black printer ink. There were a few things about this trip that made me want to blog. Here goes.

When did being a decent person go out the window? We were walking around gathering the things we need (I just made us sound like Indians gathering corn or something, haha) and this poor old man is trying to reach something on the top shelf and having a very (obvious) difficult time doing so. There are at least 2 Wal*Mart employees in this aisle, and countless shoppers. Most people were walking past, pushing into him, and making faces and rude remarks as they passed him by. So I stop and help him reach the item. He was very kind and said thank you. I felt the need to apologize for everyone else's rude behavior. 

Shopping carts.. is it REALLY that hard to put the cart in the cart return!? There is a reason that there are at least 2 in the aisle you are parked in. I bet America could take a small step in becoming less obese if we just returned the carts! I always feel an obligation to gather loose carts around my car and return them. Today, there were 4 in this one spot. What if someone needed that spot? Chances are, the parking lot would rarely, if ever, be at full capacity, but still! Rude.

Pedestrian right of way. Hello, you learned this in high school. This doesn't mean 'speed up and pray I don't hit someone'. It means that if there is someone about to cross, hit that brake and wait for them to. It's not that hard, and it won't take up that much of your time. Doubtful that you are in that much of a hurry to get somewhere. 

Dear cashier, I realize that your job is highly repetitive and most of your customers probably suck, but would it kill you to smile? I come up, all happy and such, and you totally kill the happy buzz by rudely asking me if I found everything okay. Of course I did, otherwise I would have asked someone. In that case, I also would have found everything okay, because someone helped me. Now I just want to pay for my stuff and be on my way. But if I am nice to you, be nice to me. Nothing says 'I hate my job' like a scowl on your face and a rude tone. Oh, and wearing glitter is totally a middle school dance thing. Doesn't look cute on a 40+ lady. Just sayin'. :)

Alright, that is all for this blog. Keep it classy, people. Don't be a jerk.

Love, Me.

planning conner's 2nd birthday

This year I am not going all out for Conner's birthday like I did last year. Of all the people who came to his party, I only still talk to two of them. That's the military life for you. People PCS and move on, or you just don't get along anymore. As much as it was a bummer to realize that, it's also a blessing to see all of the new friends we've made since then.

This year, his birthday theme is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It's one of his favorite shows to watch. Since his big day isn't too far away, I've started looking around for decorations. I found a party set that I really loved, but then a friend (that's you Kimmee!) said how she had done this theme for her son a few years back and made her decorations. I started searching for DIY decorations and such and I'm in love with the idea of doing it myself! 

I've made a list of people to invite so I know how much food to prepare and how many goody bags to make. We've decided I am going to make a cupcake cake in the shape of Mickey (but with chocolate frosting because black frosting is a disaster waiting to happen). I'm going to make Mickey (and Minnie) ears for the kiddos to take home. I already have an idea of what I want to put in the goody bags. I'm really excited to see what all my brain cooks up! If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear theme!

Love, Me.

road trip update!

Hello blogging world! We left El Paso around 0545 (mountain time) Saturday morning and made it to my mom's around 0530 (central time). We made our 26 hour drive in 23 hours! Woooo! It was a very good drive. Aside from the usual boredom and tunnel vision, we got to experience some good rain storms in Oklahoma and Missouri and some killer fog in Illinois. Of course I had a mini panic attack when we had to go over the big bridges and another one when I thought we'd gone over all of them and then realized we still had one more to cross. Haha. Only took about $125 to fill up along the way and overall $175 since we filled up again once we got to my mom's. Not bad at all. Definitely much cheaper than buying plane tickets. We made Conner a little movie fort in the back seat. He loved it.

Once we got here, we napped for a few hours and then hung out with my mom and her husband. Went to the store for some food and then slept really good last night. Today we went and got an oil change and Conner is swimming right now. It's so nice out. Bubba (mom's dog) sure did miss us! He has gotten so much bigger in the 3 weeks I've been back in El Paso.

Well, need to go do some school work. Exciting rest of the week!

Love, Me.

resisting relapse.

Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife
(The Used 'I'm A Fake')

 (photo courtesy of google)

Some days it's hard to look forward when I know how easy it is to let go. I resist all the urges, but you will never know the daily struggle I face. It's killing me inside, and I can't bring myself to talk to anyone about it. </3

Love, Me.

you can put it on the board, yes!

I really suck at blogging while on vacation. Here is another weeks worth of updates. Actually, a week and a few days. Last Friday and Saturday I did a whole lot of nothing. Sunday I went to Swedish days with Megan and her babies and her friend. There were only a few little rides for the two younger ones, and it was super hot, so we didn't stay too long. Monday we got everything together to leave for a few days. Tuesday we hung out at mom's house then went to the Mendota park with Jackie and Kenzi. Wednesday I went to Six Flags with Ashley. That was so much fun. I highly suggest the flash pass. We rode almost every big roller coaster, some of them twice. Thursday we headed to Rochelle. Friday we went swimming for a little bit. And today we are back in Oswego. Kari and I made a diaper cake for one of their friends baby shower. I went to Michaels without spending anything.. someone mark the calendar!

I've successfully kept off all the weight that I lost before I came to Illinois. Actually, I've lost 3 more pounds. Which means I am now only 35 away from my big goal. I know I can do it, but it's going to take a lot of work. I feel another plateau coming on already. But with this diet change due to the GERD, I'm sure it will be a bit easier.

I come home in a week. I have mixed feelings about that. I can't wait to get back and have a completed family, but I really don't want to leave the family and friends here behind again. It sucks. I wish we were stationed closer. 

The White Sox have won the last 2 games. If they win tomorrow, we will sweep the Cubs in this portion of the series. I think I might make a wager with these here lovely Cubs fans I am staying with haha. This explains the subject title. When watching on CSN (which we aren't during this portion of the series), anytime we get a home run they say 'You can put it on the boarddddd, yes!' Getting ready for a fun week. So much planned. Yay.

Love, Me.

just some late night ramblings.

I'm just sitting here on Facebook and I've just realized that the only picture I have with my best friend is not on here. Which means it was from a regular camera (shows how long we've been friends, I didn't even own a digital camera when we met!) and I have no idea where that picture might be. How sad. This just means I have to get another picture out of him while I am here. I'm sure that won't be hard to do. If he ever gets a freaking day off from work again so we can hang out. I miss the hell out of him. I miss the old days. We still talk to each other pretty much every day, but ughhh. Soon I have to go back to El Paso and then he's off to Indiana to finish the rest of his college, then who knows. :( I know the distance doesn't mean a thing for our friendship. I just wish I could be around him more.

I only have two weeks left here. I mean, we're coming back in August for a week and some days, but still. The past 3 weeks have just flown by. This upcoming week I have jam packed with seeing people and I am attempting to do the same for the week after. I really hate being so far from everyone. I hate that I can only see them once or twice a year. Oh well, that's the Army way of life. Boo.

I only have 3 more sections to do for this pharmacy technician course. Then I have to sign up to take the exam. I'm honestly starting to wonder if I am even going to do anything with it. It wasn't my first choice on a career. It's kind of sad seeing all of my friends graduating from college when I haven't even went. I messed up my entire life by dropping out of high school. All because I wanted to party and live it up. God, I was so stupid. If I have any regrets at all, that is my biggest one. My second one would be not going to college. 22 years and what have I got to show for myself? Not a damn thing. I mean, I have Conner, but still.

There are literally hundreds of things going through my head right now. Some of them I can't bring myself to write here. This is a very pointless post. Just one to get some things out of my head. I deleted a bunch of people from Facebook again. I hate when people add you and never talk to you. Although I am sometimes guilty of it. There I go being a hypocrite again. Ugh. 

RJA song stuck in my head. Nothing unusual. Usually happens when I start thinking about my best friend. Yes, I have a song with my best friend. I might be lame, but oh well. I love it. I can feel my heart beating in my throat. Weird. And it's really hot in this room. I'm going to give up thinking tonight.. ha, because that can happen.

Love, Me.