just checking in.

It's been a few days since I made an actual blog instead of the music challenge. Which, by the way, I failed my own personal goal. I wanted to try to not use the same artist and I ended up doing just that. Go figure! It's fun anyway! Let me play a little catch up here. Chris has been in the field during the week for the last 3 weeks so we've only gotten to see him on weekends. Conner and I just hang out around here most of the time if I don't have any appointments to go to. Yesterday we met up with Liz at the PX for coffee, but ended up just walking around instead. Finally bought Conner a pair of shorts. It's getting a bit hot down here. The pants are becoming too much. Ate at Smashburger for lunch. Went back to her apartment and hung out for a bit. Had some chinese for dinner and then we stayed over at her place. We had a few drinks and had a Glee marathon. I love Glee. She let me borrow the first season, which I have already finished haha! She also lent me a book. 'Lincoln Lawyer'. I've been hearing good reviews about it so I can't wait to start reading it. That is probably what I will do as soon as I am done writing this since Chris is still at the company. 

Yesterday was Chris's birthday. He spent it out in the field. I laughed though because the last 2 birthdays of mine have been spent alone. That's the Army for ya. His parents sent Portillo's down as his gift. Imagine that. We get a little taste of home. :) I haven't opened the box yet since it is his gift. I have been tempted though. It's just sitting there on the table begging to be opened. 

We have to pack the entire apartment this weekend since we move to the new house on Tuesday. I  guess they are letting him off to help me move, but we are hoping they let 1 or 2 other guys off to help us otherwise it's going to be quite interesting for him and I to move this entire house on our own in one day. We have no choice but to do it all in one day. We can't sign the lease for the new house until 11am on the 29th and I have an appointment with the radiologist on the 30th and then have to clean this apartment and have the final walk through by the 31st. So stressful. Oh well, once we get in this house, it should be smooth sailing. 

On a brighter note - regular season baseball starts in just 6 days! I so can't wait to go to the game in June. Speaking of that, just over 2 months before I'm headed back to Chicago! So excited! I'm finally going to get to see some of my friends for the first time in almost 2 years. I'm lucky enough to have some awesome friends. No matter the distance or time apart, I know they are always there. 

I have made a goal for myself to lose 15-20 pounds before I go home. I weighed myself this morning for the first time since my last doctors appointment (which was a week and a half ago) and I'm down 5.3 pounds so far. And that is just from cutting out caffeine. I'm not going to lie though, as I am typing this I am drinking a Pepsi. But it's my first one in a while. And to be quite honest, I've only sipped on about half of it in the past hour and it's not that appealing. I can do this. I hate writing about losing weight because I always bounce between the same 5 pounds, but this time I am below that normal stopping point. It's worth a mention. Well, I guess I will wrap this up for today. Thanks for reading!

Love, Me.

i'm going home!!

Not until June, but I'm going! I have been holding it inside for what feels like forever because there were two things I wanted to make sure I had before I made the official announcement: flight itinerary and my tickets for the first day of crosstown classic! Got the itinerary yesterday and the tickets today. Let me tell you, I was creeping my front door like no other. Anytime I thought I heard a truck, I'd look out the window to see if it was FedEx. And when it was FedEx, he was shocked by how quickly I opened the door. I couldn't tell him I was stalking it. Haha! I'm beyond excited to be going home for almost a month. None of it would be possible if it weren't for Chris's Aunt Kari. Thank you sooooo much! Which is why I am taking her to the game. It will be a fun game. She's a Cubs fan and I'm a White Sox fan. There are so many people I want to see and so many things I want to do. Thankfully I have almost the full month. Crosstown classic, Taste of Chicago, MacKenzi's birthday party, Brody's birthday party. Ahh! Stoked! This delivery has totally made my day. Just over 2 months until I'll be in the city!! 

Love, Me.

blood results.

I forgot to write yesterday to let everyone know the results of the blood work that they had me do before we went on emergency leave. The good news is, I am not diabetic and my thyroid is good. Bad news, we are back to square one with this issue. *Sigh* At this moment though, my doctor thinks the more important issue is figuring out what is wrong with my esophagus, and I totally agree. So for now we are focusing on that and will come back to the weight at a later time. There was a small abnormality that made no sense to me in the blood results. My cholesterol level is a bit high. She asked me if I ate a lot of fried foods, but I don't. She said the good cholesterol levels are balancing out the bad ones though. So no risk for anything there. I just wonder why it showed up a little high. I also got my results from the specialist and the tube procedure. My tonsils are fine and do not need to be removed. The only thing wrong that was noticed in that test was that when I swallow, my esophagus spasms and contracts too much. The next thing I need to do is a barium swallow. That's where they take x-rays while I drink this chalky drink. The x-rays will show them if the liquid is following the normal flow pattern and if there is anything blocking it from going down. I'm not too thrilled about it, but it can't be any worse then having a tube jammed through your nose and down your throat. I actually just called to make the appointment, and the only one available is March 30. That is the day after I sign the lease to the new house. They told me I could call back every day and see if anyone cancels to get me in sooner. As soon as I do that procedure then I will have another appointment with the specialist to go over the results of that and what the next step will be. This whole process is going to suck.

Love, Me.

what a day.

This morning I had my first appointment with the ENT specialist. I had no idea what was going to happen, just that I had the appointment. On my way to William Beaumont Army Medical Center, this poor guy flagged me down right outside the entrance. He had brought his neighbor to WBAMC and his truck ran out of gas. Nobody there had been willing to help, except the security guard who had a gasoline jug but no extra money. This guy is almost in full blown tears on the phone with his wife (they live in Horizon City). I told him I would help. I took him to an ATM and got out money for gas and dropped him off by his truck to wait for the security guard with the gas jug. It made my day knowing I could help. He helped his neighbor, I helped him. Pay it forward. I live by that. 

Anyway, I help this guy and make it to my appointment with time to spare. I get signed in and taken back shortly after. Dr. Werth introduces himself and we go through the whole deal on why I am here, when did this start, etc. Then I about died of shock when he asked 'Have you ever swallowed kerosene or drain-o?'. Um, no.. is this a routine question? It was a routine question apparently for situations like mine. How weird. It just makes you wonder how many people have answered 'yes' to it. At that point he asked another question - 'Have you ever made yourself throw up?'. I dropped my head, started crying, and shook my head yes. Then I told him about the eating disorders, cried some more, and asked if the acid from throwing up could have something to do with this. The answer made me so sad. Yes, it could be part of the problem. I always knew it could have been, but until the doctor said that, I always tried to push that thought out of my head. Something from my past is now haunting my future - again. Great.

Then walks in the nice nurse. In his hand, a tube. Turns out that tube was part of this examination. The doctors shows me a picture of where he is going to insert it and how it will work. He sprays my nose with this local anesthetic and about 5 minutes later it was numb enough to begin. Conner didn't like this part. He thought the doctor was hurting me. And I'm not going to lie, it DID hurt. So he puts this tube through my nose and down into my throat all the way do to my voicebox. He said it spasms a little when I swallow, meaning it contracts too much. However, this doesn't give us an answer of WHY so I have to see another specialist. I have an appointment in the morning with my PCM to go over my blood results and next steps for the possible diabetes and thyroid issues and at that appointment she will decide the next steps for my esophagus. Should be interesting.

After I finished up with the doctor, I headed to the housing office to turn in the paperwork they need for us to move into our new house. Thank God I went in. When I got back there and told them I had all the paperwork ready for them, she told me that they lady I spoke with on the phone during emergency leave (who had told me I had a house and could move in the 18th) didn't actually put us down for that house. Greaaaat. So here I go with the tears again. I tell her I only have until the end of this month to find a place to live. She made a few calls, and viola! A house had now been reserved for us. Still in the same housing area I was promised over the phone, just a different road. The only thing is that this house isn't going to be available until the 29th.. which gives me 2 days to move. And it's during the middle of the week, which means Chris will be in the field and I have to move by myself. Lovely. She gave me an assignment letter to give to his COC when they come back from the field. Now I just have to see if they will actually let him help me move or if I'm on my own.

This has already been an interesting day and it isn't even noon yet.

Love, Me.

we have a house.

It's not a house we own, but it's a house. While we were on emergency leave, someone from Garrison Command called me about the issues I was having with my apartment complex. They had talked to my apartment manager who said I could go to a month-to-month lease. Here's the thing though, I had already paid March rent since we wouldn't be here as we were on emergency leave. With a month-to-month lease, the rent goes up $100. She told them that if I didn't get them the $100 by the end of the business day on March 3rd, we would be locked out of our apartment. Um, hello!? Our emergency leave was not over until MARCH 4TH! And mind you, this call came while we were at the hospital visiting Chris's grandpa. So here I am, sitting in a hospital on the verge of tears thinking I will be locked out of my home when I return to El Paso. So what I did was write my 30 day notice via e-mail. I also wrote one on paper and mailed it, along with a $100 cashier's check, to this stupid manager. I made sure to priority mail it along with getting a delivery confirmation so she couldn't say I never sent it. That was taken care of. But then that leaves me with the question - where are we going to live in 30 days? This is a lovely thing to have to deal with while I am on EMERGENCY LEAVE. Ugh.

Back on the phone I go. I called up the Housing Office on Fort Bliss. I explained to the lady my situation. As she was telling me that I was still #56 on the waiting list, I said (as calmly as I could) 'I KNOW you can have a house available for me. I have been here for a year, have been on the waiting list since we got paper orders the day he graduated OSUT at Fort Benning, and I've known people with less rank and time in than we have who come into this office and get a house that day. So since you are already altering the rules, what can you do for me and my family?'. She told me she would see what she could do and would call me back. Not even an hour later, she called and said there was a house available but I would have to accept it in March in order to get it, or be back on the list. I accepted the house and we chose our date to sign the lease. So March 18th we will be signing that and moving in on the 19th.

There is so much to do in these next two weeks. I just hope I can keep my head on straight. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat over and over. I need a break from life. Just 5 minutes. If only.

Love, Me.

emergency leave.

I haven't blogged in ages. This is why. Well, most everyone knows we recently went on emergency leave. We had gotten a call a few weeks ago that Chris's grandpa was back in the hospital. A few days later we got another saying they didn't think he was going to make it through this visit. We knew then what we wanted to do. In December of 2009, Chris lost his other grandpa. He had been in basic and had just come home on exodus. We said we would go visit and then he passed. We've beat ourselves up over not seeing him before he passed away. So this time, we wanted to make sure we had the chance to say a final goodbye. We called Red Cross and sent on the message. It did take a few tries, seeing as our FRG leader accidentally put the wrong Red Cross number. When we called that one it said it was out of service and to call another 800 number. We did and it was a dirty number. How awkward do you think it is to be calling to tell someone that your grandpa is in the hospital and hear 'Hey big boy, want to talk?'. LOL! So I googled the Red Cross number and found the right one. While Chris was passing on the information to them, I e-mailed the FRG leader to let her know the mistake so nobody else had to hear that. 

We never got a call that night, so Chris went in early thinking he was going to the field. His COC gave him the choice to go now and possibly miss the funeral, or wait until he passes and for sure make the funeral. We chose to go then so we could see him alive. We signed out and made it to Chicago around 2pm on the 23rd. The next morning we went up to OSF Saint Anthony's Hospital in Rockford, IL to see him. Conner was not able to go in the room because the infections he was fighting are contagious and we had to wear the plastic gowns and gloves and stuff. The very first thing he asked me is 'Did Conner's savings bond make it to you okay?'. This man is dying, and all he cared about was making sure everyone else had everything they needed. He's was an amazing man. They let Conner poke his head through the doorway so he could wave to him. He ended up not feeling so well, so we all let. 

About 5am the next morning he was moved from his regular room back into ICU. We went up when visiting hours began (8:30am) and stayed until they ended (8:30pm). It was such a change from the day before. His breathing was way more labored, but he was still talking to everyone. Conner of course couldn't go in again, but they let us hold him at the glass to wave and blow kissed. It was so sweet. I know it meant a lot to Don to have Conner there. He had to have been so happy that almost every family member was there to show support. It was hard to see him in so much pain. And it was hard to see the rest of the family in pain. All of us were so on edge, just waiting. The doctors finally had said that they had done all they can do. With that being said, the decision was made to have medication stopped. Why keep poking at him if it's not going to help? He did still have medicine to help control the pain. He was a fighter, that is for sure. One of the strongest men I've ever had the chance to know. I'm very grateful to be a part of his family.

A few days after being readmitted to the ICU, Hospice let him come home. All that he was on at home was oxygen. He passed away there the night of February 28th. However, the Hospice didn't get there til after midnight so he was pronounced on March 1st, which is what all of the memorial things say. Do you believe in signs for God? I do. Especially after all of the weird things that happened the few days prior and the day of his passing. A light that family had seen on a prayer card just before his passing. Chris's mom thought she had gotten a call on 2:07 in the morning (there was no call, but she swore she heard the phone ring) but at 2:07 in the afternoon they got one to get up to the hospital room. The night of his passing, we stayed at my mom's house. Conner was having a bad night and wanted to be by himself and kept talking to himself. Then when he had finally fell asleep, 5 minutes later we get the call that he had passed. When we went to the wake and brought Conner up, he instantly waved at Don. Then he looked up and waved. These simple little signs let us know he is still with us in the small ways.

Grandma Pat was able to have the wake and funeral (it was more of a service, as he is being cremated) while we were there. That's another thing, Grandpa Don knew we had to leave on Friday. The wake was Wednesday and the service on Thursday. He looked so peaceful. I am so glad we were able to be there for the whole thing. That we could be there in person to give love and support rather than sending flowers and a card. Although the whole ordeal was mentally and physically exhausting, we know we made the right choice to be there. 

Grandpa Don, you will always be loved and truly missed. Thank you for accepting me into the family, even the very first time I met you. We will always remember the Christmas dinners and Father's Day gatherings and how much love you offered to each and every single person you knew. You were the best husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, uncle, cousin, brother and friend that anyone could ever ask for. We know you are playing golf up in Heaven. We love you.

Love, Me.

Christmas 2009 - Grandpa Don and Conner meeting for the first time.

and here is the link to the obituary: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyherald/obituary.aspx?n=donald-leroy-myrda&pid=149035373&sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d6e5a666b92b347%2C0