discovering savannah

We have lived here for 8 months now and I JUST got the tour of River Street and City Market in Savannah. What's up with that!? I've gone to Savannah at least twice a month since we bought our house, yet I never even knew these places existed. Well, I know where I will be visiting more often. 

Today we got to go on a lunch date with some friends from Fort Bliss. They are from around the area and were home on leave. Oh, how we've missed them and their two little girls! Conner was beyond excited when I told him last night what our plans were for today. He kept going on and on about his friends. It's been just over a year since we've seen Shaun and 8 months since we've seen Jessica and the girls. The girls! Oh My Gosh! They are going to be TWO in July. It feels like it was just yesterday that she called me to say her water had broke and then very shortly after I got a text saying she had them. Time flies.

We started our little tour on River Street. Conner got to see this neat wooden ship. They had it open for free tours, but I didn't feel like going in there. Bad mommy. :( We stopped by the River Street Sweets and bought some salt water taffy. Some for home and some to send over to daddy. Then we walked over to City Market and had lunch at Wing Street Cafe. It was awesome. Unfortunately, bipolar Georgia weather showed up and it dropped at least 10 degrees while we were eating. A good ol thunderstorm was rearing it's head, so we decided to just end the day with that. The girls were tired, I knew Conner was exhausted from walking and Lucas was getting ready to knock back out after eating. At least we got to spend a few hours with some good friends, on top of discovering some little gems to visit later on.

I'm actually planning to put a few ideas in the 'date jar' for when Chris gets home. Like dinner on the riverboat, carriage rides and just having a picnic in City Market. It was also suggested to hit up River Street for their St. Patrick's Day celebrations one year if we ever get the chance. Very much looking forward to doing some of that stuff. 

the best of times

I saw something on Pinterest where a family put a huge portrait of their children, a clock below stopped on the birth time and the words "The best of times" above. I wanted to do something similar in my living room, but not exactly the same. I tossed around the idea since July. It is now January and I have finally completed my wall! I kept the best of times and the clocks, but added in some subway art that I made with their statistics, a small picture of them in the hours after birth and a shadowbox with my hospital bracelet, the 'it's a boy' cigar (we had them for both boys) and a handmade item. For Conner it was a pair of booties, for Lucas a pair of mittens. I am absolutely in love with it.

My children are hands down the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. Every time I glance over I am reminded of the best moments in my life - the moment I got to finally hold my precious boys.

2013 resolutions

Hello, 2013. I knew the world was not going to end, but ya know.. some people believe anything. Anyway, now that you're gracing us with your presence, I just wanted to let you know what is going to happen this year. Ready?

First and foremost, taking time for me. GASP! How dare I say that! But really. I spend so much of my time doing things for everyone else, that I sometimes (a lot of times) forget that I need to do things for me, too. So this year I have decided that once a month I have to do something for me. Even if that something is just taking a nice, long bath and reading a book. It doesn't have to cost money, it just needs to be me time.

Bring us to date night. I can count on one hand the number of times Chris and I have been on an actual date. Having kids is beyond anything we could ever want, but without close-knit parents, kids won't be as happy. Again, I declare that once a month we HAVE to have a date night. Unless the Army decides he has to be gone for a month. Then we work it around that. I have prepared and prepaid for most of these dates. They are in envelopes to be randomly drawn on said date night. Whatever we draw from the pile is what we'll do.

And on that note, we have the kids. My biggest vice right now is the internet. Being that we have all forms of technology in this house, I'm always connected somehow. So this year, I want to change that. No more television for background noise. Conner can watch a few shows a day. I only have two shows I watch anyway. Chris can watch football. Aside from that, TV off. Once Chris gets home, weekends are family time. Of course there will be times that we have people over or go to someone else's house but we really need to focus on being a family. Doing fun things that doing involve staring at a screen of some sort.

Financially, I have HUGE plans. Although some of those are a surprise, and I don't want to chance my husband seeing this post and discovering them, so I'll leave those secret. My biggest hope for this category is that we will stick to the budget, which I've worked very hard on!

GET MY SH*T TOGETHER! This is a big category with a bunch of random things thrown in it. One being that "lose weight". I don't want to look at it like that, though. The number on the scale shouldn't define me. I'm looking at it as getting healthy. Making a lifestyle change to better myself, and in the long run, bettering my children. I want to continue working on organization in the house. I also need to stop finding the negative and focus more on the positive. Every day is good. I just have to find the good in them.

Finally, memories. I'm about to become that lady who scrapbooks. In a modern way. I plan to document this year so that we can look back and see all the fun things we did, the obstacles we overcame and the hopes we have for the future. I wish I would have done this from the beginning.

That's about it for now, 2013. As you can see, I'm dreaming big this year. I'm ready to take you on full force. But most of all, I'm ready for it to be July so I can have my husband back home! 

2012: the year in review

January: In January we got official orders to Fort Stewart. Due to the PCS and the deployment that would come with it, we decided to stop trying for baby #2. However, we were pleasantly surprised that we were already expecting! We also lost a Chris's uncle unexpectedly and were unable to go home, but found ways to celebrate his life from afar. Chris ran his first half marathon in his memory. He also made points for SGT!

February: We had our first baby appointment and got to hear our little bean's heartbeat for the first time. My in-laws came to visit us!

March: Chris was finally pinned SGT. Unfortunately, they decided to do it at zero dark thirty, so Conner and I were unable to be present for it. On St. Patrick's Day I started having issues with feeling very faint and passed out in the middle of Wal*Mart, prompting a hospital trip and countless tests.

April: Continuing my crappy luck, I landed myself in the hospital again with what I had thought was an appendix about to burst. Turned out that I was having contractions. They called it a threatened miscarriage and had to stop the contractions. Bean was just fine.

May: We found out that TRICARE would not let me have the 20 week anatomy scan a week early since we'd be travelling when I hit 20 weeks, so we paid for an elective to find out the gender. Boy! However, the picture she gave us did not show boy parts! We had to pay for a second elective. Definitely got the shots we needed to prove it at that one. I had an El Paso baby shower, a final farewell with all of my friends. Cleared housing and stayed at a hotel for a week. Chris's aunt Kari flew down on Mother's Day to drive back up with us since I was on no driving orders due to the fainting episodes. We stopped in Oklahoma City for the night. Had a family baby shower in Illinois. Decided to go ahead and drive to Georgia. Stopped in Nashville overnight. By far the most exciting thing (aside from finding out the gender) was closing on our house and becoming first time homeowners!

June: Father's Day came around and I surprised Chris with his (and Conner's!) first trip to the ocean! We went to Tybee Island. We also started having bar-b-que’s for his squad to get to know some people before the big D.

July: In July, we welcomed our furry baby, Sirius, into our home. He was way too thin, had mange and was covered in fleas. We gave him lots of TLC and he was loving on us in no time.

August: In August, I met my doula, Angela! Chris and I spent a lot of time discussing exactly how we wanted this birthing experience to go. Chris's company had a competition on Tybee Island. We also had a cocktail party for the battalion.

September: Conner got an awesome paint party a month early so that daddy could be there. We spent the first few weeks finishing up preparations for Lucas. We also spent a ton of time preparing for deployment. I started having lots of contractions, but they just messed with me until the night before my due date. We welcomed Lucas, completely natural except the hospital setting, 13 minutes into his due date on September 20. I by far preferred this labor and delivery experience over the one I had with Conner! Then it was lots of family time before D day.

October: Conner turned 3 and that same day we said "see you later" to Chris. We decided it would be best to just drop and go. I did really good holding it together until my sister called to wish Conner a happy birthday. We hadn't told anyone when he was leaving for safety purposes, so she had no idea why I was so upset. I kept super busy with appointments. This is also the month I begged the pediatrician to get Lucas into an ENT because I thought he had a tongue tie and breastfeeding was TERRRIBLE in the way that I was in pain all the time. We we trick or treating with a bunch of the other Bravo Co wives and their kiddos. Conner was Spiderman and Lucas was a football.

November: Officially had to stop breastfeeding to let myself heal. Hands down the worst I have ever felt about myself in my life. Turned 24. Election day. That was.. interesting. I was happy with the outcome. Others, not so much. Angela introduced me to HM4HB and between her and I, we got a ton of breastmilk donations for Lucas. Unfortunately, even nursing through pain, pumping, taking placenta pills and other herbs.. my hormones and body were so out of wack that I stopped producing milk. I decided I would still comfort nurse. We still do occasionally. I took Lucas on his first road trip. We visited Susie and Bill in Fort Campbell for Thanksgiving. The way there was great. The way back really sucked the last 3 hours. the boys were so tired of their carseats. We also found out that Lucas has a milk and soy protein allergy due to him having terrible reactions to both regular and soy formula. He was switched to Alimentum and is doing wonderful on it.

December: They finally got Lucas in to see an ENT, who confirmed that I had been correct. He did have a tongue tie and that was definitely what caused our latch issues. Breastfeeding was a lost cause, but I don't have to worry about future problems like speech issues. I ran, well.. walked and jogged, my first 5k. I finished, and that it what counts! It was a color vibe. So much fun and I got to meet some awesome ladies. Conner and I did all the Christmas decorations. Christmas was great, although we were missing a huge part of us. Daddy Doll was a stand in. Conner and Lucas both made out like bandits and I got some neat stuff, too! I have a lot of big plans for 2013. Bring. It. On!

thank you - my milky story.

This post is sort of inspired by the Facebook takeover of the '30 Days of Thanks'. I don't think it should be limited to 30 days, you should be thankful every day of the year, but I do have some people and things I am incredibly thankful for that I would like to share.

Those of you who know me personally know that I have been having quite the struggle with breastfeeding. It was something I was very much wanting to do. When I got pregnant with Lucas, I decided right then that he would be breastfed. Not because I have a problem with formula, but because I really wanted the bonding experience and to give him what came natural and free. Unfortunately, we had issues from the get go. I nursed through 4 weeks of intense, nonstop pain. One day my body shut down and went into shock. That story is in a previous blog. Long story short, I had to stop nursing to get myself well in order to properly take care of my children. It was the hardest decision I've ever made. Now to the thankful part. :)

First of all, to my husband. Even though he is thousands of miles away in an entirely different part of the world, he still supports any decision I make. He knew how badly I was beating myself up over it and offered words of encouragement to get me through those first few days. Together we came to the decision that I would try anything possible to get my milk supply back to continue my breastfeeding relationship with Lucas. In the meantime, he would have to be supplemented with formula. It was also decided that we wanted to find donors to continue giving him breastmilk along with the formula. Best decision ever, because his tummy does not take kindly to formula. Which brings me to person number two.

My birth doula, now a good friend. Angela had called to see how we were doing and I let her know what happened and that I had to stop nursing. Right away she offered to come nurse Lucas and help find donor milk. With her support, I have been able to keep pushing through all the obstacles. Even if I haven't seen much progress in myself, she sees it and lets me know. Some people might think letting someone else nurse your child is wrong. I do not. I think it was the most selfless thing she could have ever offered. I was physically unable to nurse and she fed my baby. That's something amazing. She was able to give him the nourishment he needed. Between her and I (mostly her), we have been able to acquire over 300oz of liquid gold for Lucas. This has helped his tummy tremendously, considering our cold turkey switch in the beginning of my health issues from breastmilk to formula really affected him in the digestion department. And that takes us to number three..

My donors. Aside from Angela nursing Lucas, I have had 4 very generous donors. Because of these ladies and their selflessness, I have been able to ease my little one's tummy issues with the formula. He usually has a 50/50 ingestion of breastmilk and formula a day. I try to do every other bottle, sometimes every 2 bottles, to spread out the current freezer stash. It made my heart so happy to see how quickly these women were willing to give up their own freezer stash to help my baby. Especially since I don't even know some of them personally (my doula does). I wish that I could give back like they have given to me.

I'd also like to thank my friend Holly. Because of her spending tons of time at my house to help me out, I've been able to let myself heal and not have to be stressed about the fact that I couldn't properly take care of my children. She has taken care of me, both of my boys, my house and her own daughter at the same time. She's fantastic. I don't think she realizes how much I appreciate her help!

And then there is Kim. Yes, you Kim Brady. I hope you are reading this. I know we've had some ridiculously stupid obstacles to overcome in the beginning of our friendship, but you probably made the biggest impact on me continuing to breastfeed. Remember when you first came home with Alyssa and we came to visit? I do. You were trying to feed Alyssa and I was in the room keeping you company. She wouldn't latch and you were so upset because she was upset. I kept telling you it was okay and you'd both learn as time went along. I had no idea what I was talking about and was just shooting things out of my mouth to try to make you feel better. I don't know if I made you feel better or not, but I'd like to think I did, lol. After I told you about me being sick, you told me that you were proud I went so long through the pain and that I shouldn't think down on myself because I was trying my hardest. You also said that you (and I quote directly.. really, I went back on Facebook and looked at the conversation, haha) "I PROMISE you it gets better. I'm the biggest baby in the world and I wouldn't have stuck with it if it didn't get better!" Then I thought about that day, sitting in your room and how you were having a rough time and how you stuck with it and now you are 7+ months in with it! I told myself that you were right, it HAS to get better. I'm at rock bottom. The only way to go is up! So thank you. I mean, I hate that you did have a hard time the first few days, but you overcoming it really helped give me the push I needed to make the decision to relactate and keep trying. 

Two groups, my due date group and Milky Mommas. Without them letting me come in and vent and offering words of encouragement, I definitely wouldn't be sitting here typing this out right now!

Finally, I am so thankful for our IBCLC, Monica, and the peer counselor who I've been working with, Laura. Since all this mess began, they have both called to check on me, made visits to my home to help me be more comfortable, and met with me in the clinic. They've taught me the vitals like hand expressing, how to use the pump correctly, how to improve his latch and haven't at all shown one sign of being upset when I don't get it the first time. 

I'm sure there are a million other things I can write here, but this is the main gist of it. For anyone and everyone who has been with me through this whole ordeal, be it by helping me take care of my kids, offering words of encouragement and praise, or donating the liquid gold.. you have forever touched a spot in my heart and I hope to one day be able to have such a positive impact on someone the way that you all have on me. Thank you, a million times over again.

As previously mentioned in another blog post, I plan to continue to try to relactate by using a SNS. I am determined to nurse my little, even if he is only eating donor milk through a tube. <3

it's been a while. update

Well, an awful lot has happened since I updated last. We officially made it through a whole month of deployment. Yay! I've also been working very hard to attempt to relactate to continue my breastfeeding relationship with Lucas. Unfortunately, I haven't had a whole lot of a progress. I let my nipples heal up and only nursed once a day. My supply is basically gone. It was gone within a few days. I had been drinking Mother's Milk Tea, Fenugreek Seed Tea, taking prenatals, eating oatmeal every morning, and even tried lactation cookies. Nothing. I've been working with the IBCLC on it. I've tried working with two different pumps. With those, I produce a whopping .25 ounces a day. Not per session, for the entire day. I know that baby can extract the milk way better than a pump, but that is still pretty depressing. My last hope is the SNS.  SNS stands for supplemental nursing system. The general idea is that he will still be on the donor milk (which I have been incredibly blessed with nearly 350 oz) and eating it through a tube that is taped to my breast. So he is stimulating my nipples and getting whatever milk I am producing, along with the donor milk. If that doesn't work, then I know I have done absolutely everything I could. At that point, I will accept it and just hope on everything that I can continue to find generous ladies to provide donor milk so he doesn't have to be on formula all the time.

Speaking of formula, it tears him apart. I am 99.9% sure he has reflux like I do. He spits up constantly, even on breastmilk. But ever since he has been on formula, his poor stomach is so upset. It gets rock hard and he has trouble pooping and burping. It breaks my heart. I have nothing against formula, but it just hurts him. I have been trying to get him in to see a doctor to get on a different formula (WIC requires a prescription to switch it to a soy formula), but that is a different part of the story. He has his 2 month appointment on November 15. 

Appointments. Someone, somewhere in the TRICARE office messed up his paperwork. We filled it out to keep him on Prime. According to the appointment line, he was switched to Standard and had to be seen off post. So I have to go into TRICARE and figure out what happened. We got that all fixed. But now the appointment line is giving me issues with making him an appointment for the reflux. They say they don't make appointments for that ahead of time and I had to call every day to see if there was a same day appointment. I know this is crap and that if there isn't an available appointment they can refer me to an urgent care, but they won't.

Conner has been having a hard time lately. I do not understand why, but it's been rough. He has been intentionally going to the bathroom in his pants. He's been potty trained for a year. Anytime he sees a guy in uniform and we are in the car, he tries to rip off the carseat buckle to get to that person. He's super mouthy, refusing to eat his food, fights me on EVERYTHING. I'm at my wits end. I honestly do not know how to handle it and I hate that feeling. 

As for myself, aside from the breastfeeding issues, I've had more health issues come up. I haven't been open about them because I don't want my husband to freak out. It scares me, but I know I have to deal with it as it comes and just hope it gets better. Trying my hardest to stay positive. For the moment, I have nothing more to update. 

life with two tiny people and a missing husband

I am a slacker. I need to keep this updated more often. So here is the update from the past 2 weeks.

Chris deployed a week ago to Afghanistan. We spent our last week together just hanging out at home for the most part. We did make one last trip to Savannah to go to the mall. Other than that, we were here doing the last few odds and ends that needed to be done before he left us. 

The day he left was horrible. We tried so hard to pretend everything would be all rainbows and kittens. My POA came up missing, so we had to go to legal and get a new one that morning. We also had to enroll Lucas into TRICARE and DEERS. It was Conner's birthday, so we took him to the PX to pick out a gift and get lunch. Then we drove to the company and said our goodbyes in the parking lot. There was no way I could stay for the "family time". They had last minute things to do in that time period anyway, and I knew staying would make it harder to leave. I took some advice from our friends dad.. don't look back. When I pulled out of the parking lot, I never did. I can only image the extra heartache I would have felt watching him walk away. A few of us wives (and kids) went to Chili's for dinner so we didn't have to think about it all. It helped, until I got home. That first night was awful. Conner cried for him at bedtime and Lucas was up every hour. The bed felt so empty, even though I had a little person in it with me. I kept my laptop and phone by my side, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to him for a few days.

A few days passed and I finally got to talk to him. Let me tell you, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw him pop up in Facebook chat. Never have I been so happy to see someone message me. He told me about their stops and how the weather and stuff was where he was at. Then he said it would be a few more days until we got to talk again. Danielle is going home to have her baby and be around family while the guys are gone, so Kimra threw out the idea of a babyshower. I'm always down for celebrating babies. Plus, she's having a girl. After two boys, I get overly excited to buy thing for baby girls. Haha. So we had a little get together for her. It's nice to have that bond with them, since we are all going through the same thing.

Yesterday I finally got to hear his voice for the first time since our goodbyes. I almost didn't answer my phone because I didn't recognize the number. I thought to myself, "Who would be calling me at 6:30 in the morning?!" Thankfully, I answered. Conner happened to have come in my room about 10 minutes prior and I was up feeding Lucas anyway. We all got to talk to him. Conner was SO excited. He kept saying 'Daddy is in the phone!' Even Lucas got all happy. His eyes got super wide and he just kept staring in the direction of the phone. 

Today we had an appointment for Lucas. It was supposed to be his 2 week check up, but he will actually be 3 weeks tomorrow. I was worried that he might have a tongue tie since we've been having some issues with breastfeeding. He has a great latch, but it takes us a few tries before he stays on. After a few minutes, he starts unlatching and we have to start that process all over. He spits up after almost every feeding and my poor boobs hurt! The doctor said he has a little bit of one, but she didn't think it was bad enough to be clipped. She suggested I see the LC and if the LC determines that the tongue tie is the cause of our issue, we will be referred to an ENT to have it clipped. He has a bit of acid reflux, but I can control it enough for him to not be on medication. He has to sleep slightly inverted and I have to keep him upright after feedings. Even with all the spitting up, he's getting everything he needs. He's gained almost a pound since birth and grown 2 3/4". He is now 8lb 8oz and 21 3/4" long. Other than the reflux and slight tongue tie, he's a perfectly healthy little guy. I had to move him up to 0-3 sleepers because his legs are so long.

Conner is growing like a weed, too. He can no longer fit his 2T pants. They are too short. So it looks like I need to take him clothes shopping for 3T stuff. I'm going to have to look up to both of my boys by the time they are 10. Short people problems, lol. He did decide what he wanted to be for Halloween. Hopefully this year he actually wears the costume and I don't have to get creative at the last minute. He got a spiderman one this year. He had originally said he wanted to be hulk and then a pirate. We found the pirate in his size but he saw spiderman and the game was over. 

Well, Lucas is napping and Conner is content so I should probably go start Chris's first care package while I have free moment. For my husband's sake, I swear to update this blog at least twice a week. Until next time!