emergency leave.

I haven't blogged in ages. This is why. Well, most everyone knows we recently went on emergency leave. We had gotten a call a few weeks ago that Chris's grandpa was back in the hospital. A few days later we got another saying they didn't think he was going to make it through this visit. We knew then what we wanted to do. In December of 2009, Chris lost his other grandpa. He had been in basic and had just come home on exodus. We said we would go visit and then he passed. We've beat ourselves up over not seeing him before he passed away. So this time, we wanted to make sure we had the chance to say a final goodbye. We called Red Cross and sent on the message. It did take a few tries, seeing as our FRG leader accidentally put the wrong Red Cross number. When we called that one it said it was out of service and to call another 800 number. We did and it was a dirty number. How awkward do you think it is to be calling to tell someone that your grandpa is in the hospital and hear 'Hey big boy, want to talk?'. LOL! So I googled the Red Cross number and found the right one. While Chris was passing on the information to them, I e-mailed the FRG leader to let her know the mistake so nobody else had to hear that. 

We never got a call that night, so Chris went in early thinking he was going to the field. His COC gave him the choice to go now and possibly miss the funeral, or wait until he passes and for sure make the funeral. We chose to go then so we could see him alive. We signed out and made it to Chicago around 2pm on the 23rd. The next morning we went up to OSF Saint Anthony's Hospital in Rockford, IL to see him. Conner was not able to go in the room because the infections he was fighting are contagious and we had to wear the plastic gowns and gloves and stuff. The very first thing he asked me is 'Did Conner's savings bond make it to you okay?'. This man is dying, and all he cared about was making sure everyone else had everything they needed. He's was an amazing man. They let Conner poke his head through the doorway so he could wave to him. He ended up not feeling so well, so we all let. 

About 5am the next morning he was moved from his regular room back into ICU. We went up when visiting hours began (8:30am) and stayed until they ended (8:30pm). It was such a change from the day before. His breathing was way more labored, but he was still talking to everyone. Conner of course couldn't go in again, but they let us hold him at the glass to wave and blow kissed. It was so sweet. I know it meant a lot to Don to have Conner there. He had to have been so happy that almost every family member was there to show support. It was hard to see him in so much pain. And it was hard to see the rest of the family in pain. All of us were so on edge, just waiting. The doctors finally had said that they had done all they can do. With that being said, the decision was made to have medication stopped. Why keep poking at him if it's not going to help? He did still have medicine to help control the pain. He was a fighter, that is for sure. One of the strongest men I've ever had the chance to know. I'm very grateful to be a part of his family.

A few days after being readmitted to the ICU, Hospice let him come home. All that he was on at home was oxygen. He passed away there the night of February 28th. However, the Hospice didn't get there til after midnight so he was pronounced on March 1st, which is what all of the memorial things say. Do you believe in signs for God? I do. Especially after all of the weird things that happened the few days prior and the day of his passing. A light that family had seen on a prayer card just before his passing. Chris's mom thought she had gotten a call on 2:07 in the morning (there was no call, but she swore she heard the phone ring) but at 2:07 in the afternoon they got one to get up to the hospital room. The night of his passing, we stayed at my mom's house. Conner was having a bad night and wanted to be by himself and kept talking to himself. Then when he had finally fell asleep, 5 minutes later we get the call that he had passed. When we went to the wake and brought Conner up, he instantly waved at Don. Then he looked up and waved. These simple little signs let us know he is still with us in the small ways.

Grandma Pat was able to have the wake and funeral (it was more of a service, as he is being cremated) while we were there. That's another thing, Grandpa Don knew we had to leave on Friday. The wake was Wednesday and the service on Thursday. He looked so peaceful. I am so glad we were able to be there for the whole thing. That we could be there in person to give love and support rather than sending flowers and a card. Although the whole ordeal was mentally and physically exhausting, we know we made the right choice to be there. 

Grandpa Don, you will always be loved and truly missed. Thank you for accepting me into the family, even the very first time I met you. We will always remember the Christmas dinners and Father's Day gatherings and how much love you offered to each and every single person you knew. You were the best husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, uncle, cousin, brother and friend that anyone could ever ask for. We know you are playing golf up in Heaven. We love you.

Love, Me.

Christmas 2009 - Grandpa Don and Conner meeting for the first time.

and here is the link to the obituary: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyherald/obituary.aspx?n=donald-leroy-myrda&pid=149035373&sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d6e5a666b92b347%2C0 

just my luck.

Yesterday morning I woke up with my throat a tiny bit sore. It wasn't bad enough even for a cough drop, so I didn't think too much of it. I went about my day and it didn't bother me at all. Last night, my neighbor came over. They were in a bit of a bind, so her and I went food shopping while the guys stayed at my apartment and watched the Dunk Contest with the kids. While I was there, I got a random burst of heartburn. Odd, since I had nothing different than I do every day. Then last night as I was laying down, my throat hurt a little bit more. I took tylenol and went to bed. I couldn't sleep for anything. In the middle of the night I woke up and my throat was so swollen. It's so bad you can just look at me and see how awful it is. I sound like walking death. My ears hurt now and I've had a headache. The swelling in my throat caused me to throw up (it was really just a bunch of phlegm since I hadn't eaten anything) and my nose is stuffy. Why now!? I have an appointment on Friday with the throat specialist and I'm pretty sure if I am still sick, they can't do anything. So if this isn't better by tomorrow, I'll be getting a referral to urgent care. Ugh.

On top of feeling like crap, I have to get these signs finished for next weekend. I need to do them while Chris is here, because Conner won't let me paint when it's just me and him. Which gives me the rest of today and then tomorrow to finish an example of a duty station sign, an example of the childrens wall plaque and bow holder, an example and a few cash and carry's of deployment/field countdown signs, and an example and a few cash and carry of our new product (which I am not saying here, as I want it to be a surprise when I post pictures). That is a lot of work. At least Chris got all of the cutting and sanding done yesterday and the base paint of most of them are done. The stenciling is the hardest part though. Very time consuming. But it will get done, and I'm praying we have a great turn out at this bazaar and that we get more business. For now, I'm going to have some soup and relax for a minute.

Love, Me.

the waiting game.

It's a running joke among the military. The motto is 'Hurry up and wait'. Boy, is that ever true in pretty much every aspect of the lifestyle! I had mentioned a few posts back about how I have been trying to lose weight for months and nothing was happening. For the past 2 months I called every single day to get an appointment, but they were always full. I finally got an appointment yesterday. My new PCM (Primary Care Manager) is fantastic! She had me write out everything I've done and how long I had done it for. She said that with everything I was/am doing, I should have lost a ton of weight. But here's me, fluctuating between the same 5 pounds as always. Since diabetes and thyroid issues run in my family, she sent me straight over from blood work. That is step one. On Monday I have to call to make a follow up for the results. From there we will decide the next step. 

I also saw her for an issue with my esophagus that I have had for years. When I eat and sometimes when I drink just water, it will get stuck in my throat and I can't breathe. I landed in the hospital with this issue in 2008. They were going to refer me to a specialist, however, by the time an appointment opened up I was pregnant. When you are pregnant they do not want to do any invasive procedures unless it is absolutely necessary. So I had to wait. Once Conner was born, Chris left for training for almost 5 months. Then we PCS'd here to Fort Bliss. It hadn't given me too much of a problem, so I didn't really want to go through the procedures. But in the past few months it's started acting up a lot more. It happens almost every time we go out to eat and it's happened in front of people at our PX. It's completely embarrassing because the only way to make myself able to breathe again is to throw up. So naturally, some people thought I was throwing up to make myself lose weight. Definitely not the case! Some people back home thought that as well, since I had been diagnosed with an eating disorder at a very young age. But I PROMISE I do not do that. It's a daily struggle, but I don't.

That being said, let me tell you a little bit about eating disorders. I've always been smaller (until I got pregnant of course). When I met my husband, I was only 110lbs. I'm short (5'4") so 110 makes me look sickly. But in my eyes, I was still fat. In the 6th grade I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. Summed up, what that means is that I would intentionally not eat to make myself lose weight. I would run and exercise all the time and a lot of times I'd wear clothes that were 10x too big so that others didn't catch on. I quite obviously gave myself away with those symptoms. After being diagnosed, I decided I needed to try a different way of losing weight. I was all set on eating healthy, but keep in mind I was still in the 6th grade. So I would binge and purge. I hid that very well though. It wasn't until the summer after my sophomore year that I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa. That landed me a stint in an institution where I would have 2 nurses sit there and watch me eat and then I was also under 24/7 watch to be sure I didn't purge. I was unable to go to the bathroom without someone in there with me. It was totally embarrassing but I knew I needed help. I made it through 'recovery', however, any doctor will tell you, it is a daily struggle with both disorders. There are other disorders too, but I chose to talk about these two since I have them. There are days I forget to eat. And the days I do eat, I usually count calories.. which can be completely helpful when trying to lose weight, but if you have an eating disorder, it's awful. Not only is it a daily struggle to not give in to these diseases, but I know if I do give in, it can be deadly.

Anyway, when I met Chris I let him know about the disorders. If he was going to be with me, he needed to know what he was getting into. I ended gaining 25 pounds with him helping me accept myself for gaining the weight. When I was at 135 I looked great! I wish I could be back there again. When I got pregnant, I quite obviously gained weight. I've not been able to lose much of it and I'm stuck in a rut. I know how easy it would be to just do what I use to do. But now I have a child, and I have to think of him. What would he do if the disorder took over and I wasn't able to properly care for him? What would happen if it DID take over and I paid the ultimate price? It's not fair to him. 

Thus, the said appointments. Now we will see if there is a medical problem causing me to not healthily be able to lose the weight. But like I said, here is the military game - Hurry up and wait. At this initial appointment yesterday, I did x-rays of my throat. I am being sent to a specialist to see what is wrong with my esophagus. And I know a lot of the issue may lie in the fact that I used to make myself purge. Just goes to show how it can affect you later in life. My first appointment with the specialist is the 25th of February. I also did blood work yesterday to see about the weight issue. Since the thyroid issues and diabetes run throughout the family, that could definitely be the culprit. Blood work is step #1. On Monday I have to call back to make a follow up for the results, then we will decide from there what to do. It's sad to have to admit these issues that I had in my past, but you know, I wouldn't be me today if I didn't go through everything I did in my past. That being said, don't judge me for who I was then, but take me for who I am now.

Love, Me.

my daddy, my hero.

Although Chris is an undeployable unit for the time being, I have a lot of friends who are going through deployments right now. It's always hard to have someone you love gone for 12-15 months. It's even harder when children are involved. The mom must not only be a mom, but also fill in where daddy is usually there. We spend uncountable sleepless nights crying for our children who just want to know why daddy is not at home to tuck them in bed. I found some poems that I wanted to pass on to my friends going through this.

'The world has many heroes
That have won a world of fame.
Heroes who have given their all
To win in life's great game.
But of all the famous heroes
That our changing world has had,
There is not one that I look up to
Or admire more than my dad.
To me my dad's a hero,
Though he'd turn away from praise.
He's heroic in his quiet strength,
And his gentle, giving ways.
He may not make the headlines,
And you won't see him on TV,
But I think my dad is everything
That a hero ought to be.
He always keeps his promises,
On that I can depend.
He's loyal to me no matter what
And he'll always be my friend.
So when I think of heroes,
And the great things that they've done,
I feel the way I've always felt
My dad's the greatest one!

'Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray, dear Lord, my soul you'll keep.
My mommy says I need to pray
For many others on this day.

But my daddy - he's a soldier,

Of this I'm sure you know.

He helps protect our freedom,

I was sad to see him go.

Although I know he's safe with you,
I'd rather have him here.
'Cause he's the one who always said,
With prayer, there is no fear.

Dear Lord, I know you hear me,
Way up there in the sky.
Please protect my daddy,
I wish he was here tonight.'

'My daddy is a soldier

He's often gone away

To some far off country

Where he has to stay.

I really miss my daddy
And I'm not sure what he does

Except he helps other people
Who need him very much.

At night when I say my prayers

I ask to keep daddy safe

So that he can come home to us

And sit in his favorite place.

I know that a day may come

When daddy won't come home

And it scares me even thinking

That we will be alone.

My daddy is a soldier

He's often gone away

And I am so very proud of him

Each and every day.

Come home to us daddy

When your job is done

I know that those people need you

But they aren't the only ones.

Love, Me.

book review - A Child Called 'It'

A sort of autobiography by David Pelzer was a heartbreaking account of his childhood abuse and how he was forced to live day to day. It was like a train wreck - you don't want to see it, but you can't help but looking. That is exactly how this book is. You feel like you are there watching these terrible incidents happen, feeling helpless and hurting for this young child. Fear not though, as the book has a sort of happy ending for young Dave. This book was based on his story, the TRUE story, of his child abuse. It was the 3rd worse case ever recorded in the state of California. What makes that fact so heartbreaking is that there were 2 cases even worse than his. There are two other books to follow this: 'The Lost Boy' and 'A Man Named Dave'.

Most children are too afraid to tell anyone about the abuse. Every 13 seconds, a child is abused in the United States.  There are nearly 3 million child abuse reports made every year. Approximately 4 children die per day from child abuse. 3 out of 4 of those children are under the age of 4. It is estimated that between 60-85% of child fatalities due to maltreatment are not recorded as such on death certificates. About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse. Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime. Children who have been sexually abused are 3.8 times more likely develop drug addictions. Children who have been sexually abused are 2.5 times more likely to abuse alcohol. Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy.

Those statistics are terrifying. Stop the cycle. If you know a child who is being abused, please report it. You may just save that child's life. Go to http://www.reportchildabusenow.com/ to find report numbers for each state. We control our children's future. They learn what they live. Make a call, Save a life.

Love, Me 

my parenting must have's.

So here's the deal, not every baby is going to be alike and not every parent will raise their children the same. When I got pregnant with Conner, everyone and their mom wanted to tell me what I MUST HAVE to raise him. Well, I took some of that advice. The rest, I kindly accepted but brushed aside. Here are my frugal ways that have saved me a crapload of money!

#1 Skip the Diaper Genie. Instead, I opted for these cool little scented sacks made by Sassy (you can find them at Wal*Mart, Target, and most local convenience stores). $2.50 for a pack of 50. They have saved my home from smelling nasty, all while saving me money!

#2 Changing tables. While most nursery sets insist you NEED one, think about it. If you have a 2 story home and the nursery is upstairs.. you spend most of your day downstairs. Do you really want to have to walk up the stairs at least 6 times a day to change a diaper? I did not. Therefore I bought this nifty travel changing pad. It even has pockets to put wipes, a few diapers, and cream along with a few small essentials. I suggest the Jeep brand that you can get on walmart.com. It's less than $15 and has last almost a year and a half with no issues! Oh, and most diaper bags come with a small changing mat already. Cool beans!

#3 Full on nursery furniture. I'll admit it, those crib/changing table/dresser/rocking chair sets are adorable. Let's face it though, in this day and age, most of us cannot afford a super nice nursery. A crib you obviously need. You can skip the rocking chair (it is nice for breastfeeding though!) and changing table (read #2). We don't have an actual dresser yet either. Most of it gets hung up in the closet, the rest fits nicely in one of those small plastic 3 drawer things from Wal*mart.

#4 Toddler Bed. We have not moved my 15 month old out of his crib yet, however, we will be skipping the toddler bed. Instead we will get a twin or full size (have not decided yet). My thinking here is, why would I spend money on a toddler bed, when he will need a new one a few years after that because he will outgrow the toddler bed? Just a waste of money in my eyes.

#5 Baby food. This cost us a FORTUNE while Conner was in that stage. Whenever we decide to have another, I will definitely be making my own baby food. All you need is a food processor (some people even just use a blender) and a few baby food jars (I've seen them at Target). You blend up your fruits and veggies and meats, jar them, freeze them. When you want one, thaw it out and warm it up. VOILA! Money saved.

#6 Disposable diapers. I'm not going to lie, my son has always been and will continue to be diapered with disposables. However, if you have a washer and dryer in your home, I highly suggest cloth diapering. Just to give you a roundabout cost with disposables - currently my son is wearing size 4 pampers (he is allergic to all the other brands, go figure he isn't with the most pricey ones!). Size 4 pampers for a pack of 62 is about $22. My little guy gets changed approximately 6 times a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But that is average for him. So if we go through about 6 diapers a day, that makes about 180 a month. I would need to buy a box every week and few days (would end up using 2 full boxes and a few out of a 3rd box). That means I spend approximately $66 a month on diapers alone. Ouch! Cloth diapers seem expensive when you first buy them, but you wash them and reuse them. So in comparison, you are saving a hell of a lot of money!

#7 Tons of name brand onesies and outfits. They will not be in the same size for long! No sense is spending hundreds of dollars on cute little outfits that they may get to wear once. I had bags of clothes Conner never wore. Thankfully, I didn't really buy most of them. I do suggest having LOTS of plain white onesies. Babies spit up and usually wear multiple outfits a day for the first few months. Simple Gerber brand will suffice!

That's all I have off the top of my head. Like I said, some advice I took, others I brushed aside. I know I left formula out, but that is because a lot of mothers are unable to breastfeed (like myself. I did not make enough milk). I am not shoving this advice down your throat, but I'm simply putting it out there. If you take it, great. If not, that is your own choice. Hope I was able to help someone, somewhere! I'm still learning to parent every single day, and that will never end. I've had my choices questioned and I have also questioned others. I have in the past few months accepted just how differently one mom from another can be. And that is NOT a bad thing. :)

Love, Me.

Recipes - Chicken & Veggie Casserole

So I have decided instead of just making this a 'my personal thoughts' blog, I will be adding in some family favorite recipes as well as book and movie reviews when I feel the need to review them. Probably won't be often, but here is the first family favorite recipe.

CHICKEN AND VEGGIE CASSEROLE

Ingredients:
(for casserole) 1 can (10 3/4 oz) Cream of Chicken Soup
2 cups cooked and cubed chicken
1 cup of cooked carrots
1 can of corn
(for topping) Bisquick
milk
1/2 cup shredded cheese

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Mix cream of chicken, cooked carrots, and corn in a casserole dish. Add chicken and stir in gently,
3. Bake for 20 minutes then remove from oven
4. Follow directions on bisquick box for biscuits. Spread around only the edges of casserole (if you spread it over all, it will seep through and you'll have a disaster in your oven).
5. Bake for an additional 10-12 minutes or until biscuit topping is golden.
6. Remove and sprinkle cheese over casserole. Let sit 5 minutes then serve!