It's a running joke among the military. The motto is 'Hurry up and wait'. Boy, is that ever true in pretty much every aspect of the lifestyle! I had mentioned a few posts back about how I have been trying to lose weight for months and nothing was happening. For the past 2 months I called every single day to get an appointment, but they were always full. I finally got an appointment yesterday. My new PCM (Primary Care Manager) is fantastic! She had me write out everything I've done and how long I had done it for. She said that with everything I was/am doing, I should have lost a ton of weight. But here's me, fluctuating between the same 5 pounds as always. Since diabetes and thyroid issues run in my family, she sent me straight over from blood work. That is step one. On Monday I have to call to make a follow up for the results. From there we will decide the next step.
I also saw her for an issue with my esophagus that I have had for years. When I eat and sometimes when I drink just water, it will get stuck in my throat and I can't breathe. I landed in the hospital with this issue in 2008. They were going to refer me to a specialist, however, by the time an appointment opened up I was pregnant. When you are pregnant they do not want to do any invasive procedures unless it is absolutely necessary. So I had to wait. Once Conner was born, Chris left for training for almost 5 months. Then we PCS'd here to Fort Bliss. It hadn't given me too much of a problem, so I didn't really want to go through the procedures. But in the past few months it's started acting up a lot more. It happens almost every time we go out to eat and it's happened in front of people at our PX. It's completely embarrassing because the only way to make myself able to breathe again is to throw up. So naturally, some people thought I was throwing up to make myself lose weight. Definitely not the case! Some people back home thought that as well, since I had been diagnosed with an eating disorder at a very young age. But I PROMISE I do not do that. It's a daily struggle, but I don't.
That being said, let me tell you a little bit about eating disorders. I've always been smaller (until I got pregnant of course). When I met my husband, I was only 110lbs. I'm short (5'4") so 110 makes me look sickly. But in my eyes, I was still fat. In the 6th grade I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. Summed up, what that means is that I would intentionally not eat to make myself lose weight. I would run and exercise all the time and a lot of times I'd wear clothes that were 10x too big so that others didn't catch on. I quite obviously gave myself away with those symptoms. After being diagnosed, I decided I needed to try a different way of losing weight. I was all set on eating healthy, but keep in mind I was still in the 6th grade. So I would binge and purge. I hid that very well though. It wasn't until the summer after my sophomore year that I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa. That landed me a stint in an institution where I would have 2 nurses sit there and watch me eat and then I was also under 24/7 watch to be sure I didn't purge. I was unable to go to the bathroom without someone in there with me. It was totally embarrassing but I knew I needed help. I made it through 'recovery', however, any doctor will tell you, it is a daily struggle with both disorders. There are other disorders too, but I chose to talk about these two since I have them. There are days I forget to eat. And the days I do eat, I usually count calories.. which can be completely helpful when trying to lose weight, but if you have an eating disorder, it's awful. Not only is it a daily struggle to not give in to these diseases, but I know if I do give in, it can be deadly.
Anyway, when I met Chris I let him know about the disorders. If he was going to be with me, he needed to know what he was getting into. I ended gaining 25 pounds with him helping me accept myself for gaining the weight. When I was at 135 I looked great! I wish I could be back there again. When I got pregnant, I quite obviously gained weight. I've not been able to lose much of it and I'm stuck in a rut. I know how easy it would be to just do what I use to do. But now I have a child, and I have to think of him. What would he do if the disorder took over and I wasn't able to properly care for him? What would happen if it DID take over and I paid the ultimate price? It's not fair to him.
Thus, the said appointments. Now we will see if there is a medical problem causing me to not healthily be able to lose the weight. But like I said, here is the military game - Hurry up and wait. At this initial appointment yesterday, I did x-rays of my throat. I am being sent to a specialist to see what is wrong with my esophagus. And I know a lot of the issue may lie in the fact that I used to make myself purge. Just goes to show how it can affect you later in life. My first appointment with the specialist is the 25th of February. I also did blood work yesterday to see about the weight issue. Since the thyroid issues and diabetes run throughout the family, that could definitely be the culprit. Blood work is step #1. On Monday I have to call back to make a follow up for the results, then we will decide from there what to do. It's sad to have to admit these issues that I had in my past, but you know, I wouldn't be me today if I didn't go through everything I did in my past. That being said, don't judge me for who I was then, but take me for who I am now.
Love, Me.
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