A holiday all about motherhood. Woo! This morning we went to the PX and I got a free tote with some coupons in it: 6 free wings from BWW, $1 off any smoothie at Junga Juice, and $5 off coupon for Smashburger. It's a cute little tote. Then we went to Wal*Mart to get a few things and Conner had to go see the fish. He knows exactly where they are, so anytime we need anything toward that area we hear nothing but 'fishy!' until we go see them. It's adorable. Came home and made peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies and had a 'picnic' on the front porch. Was a little windy, but still fun.
But while I went about today's activities, I couldn't help but be a little sad thinking of our angel baby. So this morning, before I started all of this stuff, I posted a status on Facebook wishing everyone a happy mother's day. Those with children, expecting, and those with angels. I forgot to add in fur babies. Holiday's like this a bittersweet for those of us who have lost a child, whether it be miscarriage, stillbirth, or any death of a child. We long to celebrate it with them. Wondering how it would be if they were here. In my case, I'd just be celebrating with a fetus, but hey.. not the point. Those in this category get to celebrate another day: Angelversary's. I say celebrate because I find it more devastating if we mourn it. Instead, we celebrate the short time we had with them, regardless of if baby was in our bellies or in our arms.
I still realize the irony of losing a baby on April 1. Next year, while everyone is pranking people with the popular 'I'm pregnant! April Fools' joke, I'll be celebrating Baby Myrda's 1st Angelversary. Today I sat down and wrote a letter. I figured I'd share it here.
Dear Baby,
Today is Mother's Day. While I am having a good time celebrating it with Conner, I feel a little sad that I don't get to celebrate it with you. I hope that you know how much we love you. We may not have known about you until we were saying goodbye, but that unconditional love with always be there. I'll always wonder what sex you would have been, who you would have resembled, why you had to go so soon. And one day, I will get answers to those questions. I know you are watching over us. A friend posted a poem the other day. My favorite part was where it said to look up in the night sky, the brightest star is you. Conner still rubs my belly and says 'baby'. He did that before I found out about you, too. I wonder if he knew. I want to do something special, baby. Something to let you know we're still thinking of you. I still have to figure it out, but when it happens, you will know. We love you. Always will.
Today is Mother's Day. While I am having a good time celebrating it with Conner, I feel a little sad that I don't get to celebrate it with you. I hope that you know how much we love you. We may not have known about you until we were saying goodbye, but that unconditional love with always be there. I'll always wonder what sex you would have been, who you would have resembled, why you had to go so soon. And one day, I will get answers to those questions. I know you are watching over us. A friend posted a poem the other day. My favorite part was where it said to look up in the night sky, the brightest star is you. Conner still rubs my belly and says 'baby'. He did that before I found out about you, too. I wonder if he knew. I want to do something special, baby. Something to let you know we're still thinking of you. I still have to figure it out, but when it happens, you will know. We love you. Always will.
Love, Mommy.
So, as stated in my letter to baby, I will figure out something. But I want to do something that more than just me can be involved in. I want to bring that peace to other mommy's of angels, too. I've got my thinking cap on. I hope all of you had a wonderful day. I know I did.
Love, Me.
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